30 Rock Season 5

“The Fabian Strategy”

0:00 Liz[phone rings, waking up Liz] No, Tom Jones, no! [Liz answers] JackLemon, it’s Jack. LizWhoo Jackie… JackOh Lemon, Avery and I just got back from the most amazing vacation on Paul Allen’s yacht. Tom Jones is a fantastic Welsh … Continue reading

“When It Rains, It Pours”

00:00 Liz[to Jenna] …hanging out with him is so easy — Liz is talking about Carol, her boyfriend, played by Matt Damon. They also seem to be just outside of 30 Rockefeller Plaza. 00:03 Construction WorkerHey yo! [Liz and Jenna … Continue reading

“Let’s Stay Together”

0:00 LizLook at this. [holding up a sign reading F. KRUGER] The writers put it on my door. JackI don’t know what that’s referring to. Liz: It’s referring to this ONE time that I got a chemical peel before work. … Continue reading

“Live Show”

This episode was broadcast twice, first for the 8:30pm ET time slot, and again three hours later for the 8:30pm PT time slot. There were a number of differences, but most of them were minor slip-ups or dialog tweaks. New … Continue reading


00:00 JackListen, Greg, I’ve got the next big reality show: we put a bunch of people on a plane, fly them over the Atlantic, then Tom Bergeron comes out and reveals… that the pilot is a six year old boy. … Continue reading

“Gentlemen’s Intermission”

0:00 AveryI know I’m jumping the gun a bit, but I had this made for the baby at Hermès. So she can ride the maid! JackIt is adorable, but are we still in love with the name “Charlotte”? Hermès is … Continue reading

“Brooklyn Without Limits”

0:00 JennaHow’s it going in there? LizGreat. Trying on jeans if my favourite thing. Maybe later I can get a pap smear from an old male doctor. Pap smears. Delightful. Good way to start the episode. So, gentle readers, a … Continue reading


0:10 JennaLiz, women wearing men’s watches is so over. The new thing is to get an Adam’s apple. Wikipedia’s a little crap on the origin of “Adam’s apple,” lazily saying it’s just from the Biblical story of Adam, but another … Continue reading

“Chain Reaction of Mental Anguish”

0:00 TracyHey, what was that sound? It was opportunity knocking! JackNo one knocked. You just barged in. Donald[wearing a t-shirt that says “Opportunity”] Knock, knock. I shouldn’t even have to explain this, but “opportunity is knocking” means keep your eyes … Continue reading

“Christmas Attack Zone”

0:00 LizMerry Christmas Eve Eve, Jack. JackLikewise, Lemon. Is there any chance you’ll still be around tomorrow? LizSure. You wanna go to the Penn Station K-Mart with me and then watch Tootsie? Pennsylvania Station is a major train station in … Continue reading

“Mrs. Donaghy”

There was a 5 week break between the last episode (S05E10 “Christmas Attack Zone”) which aired 9-Dec-2010, and this episode. 0:00 JonathanHappy New Year! Congratulations on getting married, sir. I know I didn’t deserve to be invited, so I thought … Continue reading

“Operation Righteous Cowboy Lightning”

0:00 LizIt doesn’t matter how long you’ve lived in New York, it’s still fun to look up and pretend all the building are giant severed robot penises. JackBe quiet, Lemon. It’s happening. [GE neon sign goes out, replaced by Kabletown … Continue reading

“¡Qué Sorpresa!”

This episode’s title, “¡Qué Sorpresa!” means “What a Surprise!” in Spanish. 0:00 JackEveryone, I need your attention. Gather up. I said “everyone,” Sketch-Tron 6000. Mr. Hank Hooper, the owner of our new parent company Kabletown, is touring 30 Rock for … Continue reading

“Double-Edged Sword”

0:00 LizHey, do you have a neck pillow? I blew mine up and now it smells like my mouth. JackI never sleep on planes. I don’t want to get incepted. Are you going somewhere? Ahhh referrring to this summer’s blockbuster … Continue reading

“Double-Edged Sword”

0:00 LizListen up, everyone. I have an announcement to make. As you may have heard, Carol and I broke up last week. They sure did. They had a huge fight on a plane. There were guns and hostages. 0:11 JennaHang … Continue reading

“TGS Hates Women”

0:00 JennaWonderful news, non-famouses! My publicist just called from rehab – I made the Internet. Liz[looking at laptop] You’re on JoanofSnark.com? FrankOn what? LizJoan of Snark. It’s this really cool feminist website where women talk about how far we’ve come … Continue reading


“Queen of Jordan”

This episode was shot in the style of a reality show. I hear this is because the writer, Tracey Wigfield, loves her some reality show. And very exciting for you, I’m now an NBC Store affiliate! That’s right! You can … Continue reading


“Plan B”

0:16 LizAs of this morning he was still saving lives in Africa. Tracy[flashback to Tracy on web cam] I’m doing God’s work here in Africa. Why just yesterday I kicked two naked people out of a garden. Liz[flashback] But Tracy … Continue reading


“I Heart Connecticut”

This episode had a ton of scenes. Just a whole huge assload of tiny scenes. 0:00 LizWe need to talk. Right now. [grabs book from Dotcom and throws it] We know that Tracy’s not in Africa. He’s hiding somewhere in … Continue reading



This was the 100th episode of 30 Rock, and was officially S05E20 and S05E21. All in one. 0:00 Jack[puts on tie] LizThis better be important, Jack. I was in the middle of bidding on a bag of bras on eBay. … Continue reading

“Everything Sunny All the Time Always”

0:00 Sherry[singing with Jack] Hush island baby, tomorrow you shuck the cane. Your little fingers bloody, prepare to be whipped. Jack[singing with Sherry] Hush island baby, tomorrow you shuck the cane. Your little fingers bloody, prepare to be whipped. This … Continue reading



This is the final episode of Season 5. 0:00 Dr. SpacemanAll right, now that the popsicle’s melted we’ve got ourselves a tongue depressor. LizI wanted you to look at these cold sores. I get them when I’m stressed out. Dr. … Continue reading