30 Rock S05E20: "100"

Synopsis

Jack convinces management to give "TGS"'s cancellation an eleventh hour reprieve to prove their worth with the 100th episode; Jenna considers becoming a mother. Guest stars include Dean Winters, Michael Keaton, and Tom Hanks.

Episode Details

Episode
S05E020 (520)
First aired
21-Apr-2011
Transcript
View full dialogue
Writer
Jack Burditt & Robert Carlock & Tina Fey
Director
Don Scardino
Frank's Hat
Sitting Ovation, I Give Up

This was the 100th episode of 30 Rock, and was officially S05E20 and S05E21. All in one.

0:00
Jack
[puts on tie]
Liz
This better be important, Jack. I was in the middle of bidding on a bag of bras on eBay.
Jack
Lemon, Hank Hooper is on his way up from Philadelphia and he wants to meet with both of us.
Liz
Why does he want to meet me? Do you think it’s a good thing?
Hank
[spins around in Jack’s chair] It’s not, hon. I saw that in a movie once, but in the movie the guy was dead. Nice tie, Jack!

The tie Jack’s putting on is a Philadelphia Flyers tie to impress Hank (who is from Philadelphia). There seems to be a Flyers online store, but they don’t sell that tie.

I love that Liz was bidding on a “bag of bras.” That’s like buying shoes by the pound.

0:31
Hank
[hugs Liz] [laughs] Well I’ll be Bake McBride’d. I know a Philly gal when I hug one. Now Elizabeth, I like to look someone in the eye and smile when I say that what you’re doing in bad. It’s just horrible. Without Tracy, your show is like my cholesterol. The numbers are killing me! So I’m going to cancel TGS.
Jack
Uh Hank, as you know tonight is TGS’ 100th episode, and we’ve been getting some good media buzz. We got on Wikipedia this week.

Bake McBride: Baseball player for the Philadelphia Phillies (1977–1981) and voted rookie of the year.

Kind of funny they mention that TGS got on Wikipedia this week seeing as I’ve been using the 30 Rock Wikipedia entries since I started this site! Thought we’re talking about TGS, aren’t we? The Girlie Show sort of has a Wikipedia page. It’s just a redirect page to the main 30 Rock wikipedia page.

0:59
Hank
So you did 99 shows against all odds and reason. That’s something. Now it’s time to rest.
Liz
Really? You want to cancel the only show on your network starring a 42 year old woman? A show that is number one in its time slot among men 18-49 months… left in prison. I thought this company was a family but I guess it’s that Austrian family and I am the girl in the basement and you are the dad who has been brutally-
Jack
Thank you, Lemon! What Liz is neglecting to tell you is that Tracy Jordan is back.
Hank
Oh! Well that’s something.

Ugh, I just spent a bunch of time hunting around trying to remember how old Liz is. Of course they’re talking about TGS, whose star is Jenna, not Liz. Jenna is 42. She was born on February 24, 1969.

Ooo ouch! The Austrian family Liz is referring to is the Fritzel family, whose father, Josef kept his daughter Elisabeth locked up in the basement as a sex slave for 24 years. She fathered seven children by him. How can you do that?? Siiiick.

1:28
Jack
And I would consider it a personal favor if you would let them do the 100th episode and then re-evaluate the show with Tracy in it.
Hank
All right. You get one more shot. Just like the Army doctors said to me after my weekend in Okinawa! [laughs]

Well, we know Hank Hooper is a Vietnam war vet, and Okinawa was part of that war, but I really don’t get this reference. What, that he’s well enough he can go back into the war? That may be a story, but it’s not funny.

[Update:] Yup I totally didn’t get this one. Bad me. Reader Chris Jenkins (Carl Jenkins?) mentioned the joke is that he went to Okinawa on leave and caught the clap, hence he needed a shot.

1:47
Hank
You know Jack, I’m amazed at how much you will stick your neck out for your people. It’s not wonder you’re here with us at Kabletown instead of running GE. They’re mean. Jack Welsh once smacked a pretzel out of my hand at the Superbowl. [leaves]

Jack Welsh was the CEO of GE from 1981-2001. He appeared as his (dead) self in S04E14 “Future Husband.”

2:03
Jack
Is Tracy back? I’d hate to think I just lied to Hank.
Liz
Jeez! I’ll get it done. You know I’ll do whatever it takes. “Lemon Style.”
Liz
[Six Sigma flashback] [singing on stage] Everybody dance now! [opens her shirt] Baw, baw, baw…
Liz
[flashback 2] [to Kenneth] But you’re going to get me another sandwich, or I’m going to cut your face up so bad you’ll have a chin.
Carol
[plane flashback] [pointing Air Marshal’s gun at Liz] I will WASTE you!
Liz
[plane flashback] [pulls old man in front of her] You’ll have to go through this old bastard first!
Liz
[jury flashback] [dressed as Princess Leia] And I don’t really think that it’s fair for me to be on a jury because I’m a hologram.

2:30
Jack
What is the hold up with Tracy. I thought you found him.
Liz
I did find him but he’s still crazy. He thinks he can’t be funny anymore because now he’s a big Oscar winner people respect him too much. He told me he feels like a Bartram Scrub-Hairstreak trying to crawl back into its silky cocoon. Which is a butterfly metaphor, by the way, and not, as I first thought, a list of African American hair products.

A Bartram’s Scrub-Hairstreak is a real butterfly. How the hell do the writers know about this thing??

2:55
Liz
And I have a plan. I booked him on every morning show in New York. Tracy will destroy all his goodwill in time for rehearsal. I’ve been prepping him all week.
Liz
[flashback] [doing impression] So, Tracy Jordan, my wife Joy and I were in Moralogo-
Tracy
[flashback] Jesus was black! [pushes Liz off the couch]

I think Liz is doing an impression of Regis Philbin, whose wife’s name is Joy.

3:42
Danny
[singing] Who wears a swimsuit to Denny’s? That’s her!
Jenna
That’s me!
Voice Over
That’s Pam! The Overly Confident Morbidly Obese Woman.
Jenna
[title inset] I can’t sit in a booth!
Pete
And cut! Congratulations, everyone. In 100 shows we’ve done Pam 107 times.

Ahhh Pam! First introduced in the very first episode, S01E01 “Pilot.” They’re going to do a lot of referencing the pilot episode here in the 100th!

And Denny’s is a low-end restaurant that serves.. well, pretty much anything. All-day breakfast kinda deal.

4:00
Jenna
Can you believe it’s been five years since we first started doing this?
Danny
Um, that wasn’t me. There used to be another guy.
Jenna
I don’t think so.

There was another guy! Josh Girard was a 30 Rock/TGS cast member from Season 1-4 until he was written out. Danny Baker was hired to replace Josh, but has since only been on sporadically.

And they also had Danny singing the Pam theme song, which Josh did in the first episode. They’re even wearing the same black suit and pink ruffle-fronted shirt;)

4:07
Kenneth
Happy 100th show, Miss Maroney.
Jenna
Danny and I were just talking about what an amazing five years we’ve had!
Jenna
[flashback] [to stylist] I will choke you to death with your boyfriend’s wig!
Jenna
[flashback] [slapping people]
Jenna
[flashback on talk show] Give me back my man, bitch!
Danny
Can you reminisce about something that’s happened since I’ve been here? Cause I couldn’t see any of that.

Ahhh more flashbacks. This episode’s going to kill me. It must have taken the editors forever to put it together!

  • Jenna yellow at her stylist: S05E13 “¡Qué Sorpresa!” where she’s “getting the crazy yelling out of her system.”
  • Jenna slapping Liz: Not sure which episode this is from.
  • Jenna slapping Kenneth: From S05E03 “Let’s Stay Together” where Jenna’s trying to snap Kenneth into shape for re-applying for the NBC Page program.
  • Talk show: From S03E22 “Kidney Now!” where Jenna’s on the Vontella Show and they surprise her by bringing out her half-sister Courtney.

And I love this weird semi-fourth-wall breaking. Danny can’t see the flashbacks because he wasn’t around back then? Fantastic;)

4:23
Kenneth
I’ll never forget what you said to me after that first show, Miss Maroney.
Kenneth
[flashback] Terrific show, ma’am. If I know anything about television, The Girlie Show is a hit!
Jenna
[flashback] Oh please. If this turkey goes 100 episodes I’ll have your baby.
Jenna
I said that? I was so young!
Danny
Wait! I saw that! How? Am I dead?
Kenneth
Well, it’s been 100 episodes. I better lay you across my grandmother’s lap in the mating shed!

This never happened;) Not in the actual show, anyway. You can kind of tell, too, because Jane Krakowski was nine months pregnant while filming this episode, and in the “flashback” they never panned below the boobs. Cuz there was a baby there. Below the boobs.

So Danny can now see Josh’s memories? And he assumes this means he’s dead. They have some odd rules in this universe;)

[Update:] Reader Chiyto has another take on it that I like: I don’t think the joke of Danny being able to see a flashback is because Josh is dead. Danny wasn’t able so see the other flashbacks because they were made before he came to TGS, but this flashback scene was recorded specially for this episode, where Danny is already in the cast. I can’t be sure thought, I like to think it is like this because it makes the joke smarter 😛

Mating shed. Gross.

4:49
Danny
But seriously, imagine if Jenna really was a mother.
Jenna
It would be horrible! The only thing I want latched to my fun bags are celebrity DJs.
Kenneth
I don’t know, Miss Maroney, I think you’d make a wonderful parent. You could sing the baby to sleep and tell it fairy tales and act out all the witch parts!

Fun bags = boobs. Celebrity DJs = suckling motorboaters.

Kenneth’s so cute. He basically called Jenna a witch, but did it so good-naturedly that she just took it in stride.

5:04
Jenna
Are you serious? Och, you albino goon.
Kenneth
I wish. Albinos get to be “watchers” in the mating shed.

Albinos = redneck community-sanctioned porn addicts.

5:13
Danny
I can’t even imagine you pregnant. A picture of you in US Weekly next to Natalie Portman in the same maternity outfit. “Who Wore It Best?”
Jenna
I did. I wore it best. A baby gets you attention.

Natalie Portman, whose real name is Natalie Hershlag, is an excellent actress, most famously in Black Swan (2010), V for Vendetta (2006), and the Star Wars Prequels (1999-2005). And she is pregnant with her fiance Benjamin Millepied’s child and due this summer. He’s a ballet dancer with the New York City Ballet and met him on the set of Black Swan. That’s a wicked name for a ballet dancer. Wouldn’t that mean “a thousand feet” in French?

Jenna’s reaction if fantastic. The intense self-assured competitiveness over an imagined scenario.

[Update:] Reader Avi points out the “Who Wore It Best?” reference was also referenced in S03E15 “The Bubble”, showing a “who wore it best” segment comparing Jenna to Miss Piggy.

5:28
Liz
Kay listen up, friends. It’s pep talk time. I’m not going to sugar coat anything here. If we don’t get Tracy back and do the best show that we’ve ever done, we’re cancelled.
Frank
So we’re counting on Tracy? Forget it. [Frank takes off hat, revealing smaller “I Give Up” hat]
Liz
Frank, put that bigger hat back on.
Frank
[puts on bigger hat]

Nice matryoshka doll hats, Frank;)

5:45
Liz
Look, we’ve been though bad times before.
Liz
[flashback] [writers throwing things at her]
Jenna
[flashback] [falling onto Christmas building]
Jack
[flashback] [in bed with woman] [clutching side] Ride it straight to hell!
Tracy
[flashback] Here come the roofies. [falls down]
Liz
[flashback] Where’s my mac and cheese?! [throws over writers’ table]

  • Writers throwing things: Man I can’t find this! I remember the scene, but I can’t find it.
    [Update:] Readers CBH and Avi found it through diligence and Netflix! S01E02 “The Aftermath,” after Liz pissed everyone at TGS off and the writers end up throwing stuff at her.
  • (Jenna?) dressed as an elf falling from a harness and crushing a little Christmas house: Okay I can’t find this either. There’s no dialogue! They’re too short! Everything’s just the worst! [Update:] Reader Avi found this! It’s from S03E16 “Apollo, Apollo”.
  • Jack in bed with woman: Here we go! Dialogue. S01E21 “Hiatus,” where Jack is having super awkward sex with Phoebe.
  • Tracy and the Roofies: S03E10 “Generalissimo,” where Tracy goes out with a bunch of interns who seriously out-party him.
  • Liz flips over the writers’ table: S03E14 “Sandwich Day.” This was actually only ever a flashback, which has now been used twice. In Sandwich Day they were contemplating eating Liz’s sandwich but someone reminded them that taking Liz’s food is bad and flashed back to her flipping their table.

5:58
Liz
And we’ve had some good times.
Lutz
[pudding flashback] Who wants- [trips and falls] -my puddings!
Liz
[pudding flashback] [laughs]
Jack
[pudding flashback] [laughs]

This one’s from S04E03 “Stone Mountain” and seriously reminds me of the Sesame Street baker who falls and drops food everywhere.

6:06
Liz
And I know what you are all capable of. This is your moment. Tonight TGS will not be the worst thing on television! It’ll be John Stossel. Who’s with me?
Jenna
Yeah! [everyone claps and cheers]
Blue Man
[makes excited noises]

John Stossel has a show on FOX called Stossel where he talks about consumer issues from a Liberal viewpoint. Sounds boring.

6:27
Tom
Gas leak, huh? Kch. Great. Dammit! Why now? On my last day before retirement? Here, lemme show you guys something. [shows wallet] It’s my girl. We’re gettin’ married when I get out of hear. Why am I showing you guys this? It’s going to jinx everything. Plus you’re a couple of pervs. Should be all right as long as the leak doesn’t get into- [notices broken air duct] Ah damn, look at this. It’s going right into the sixth floor air duct. Damn, again! Well, we’re going to have to evacuate the sixth until it’s taken care of. Who’s up there?
Joe
TGS.
Tom
Isn’t that show already half dead? [everyone laughs]
Subhas
Who wants to kiss?
Tom
What say we get some fresh air?

Tom is played by Michael Keaton. Which is awesome and hilarious that they named him “Tom” because Tom Hanks also guest-stars in this episode.

7:18
Pete
Jack, we have a problem. There’s a gas leak in the studio.
Jack
Do you know what I find fascinating?
Tom
Mystery novels written by janitors?

Mystery novels written by janitors… I actually have no idea what he’s talking about. There’s probably some very famous current author out there writing mystery novels who used to be a janitor and I have no idea. Or it’s just a weird joke. Anyone?

7:39
Jack
How bad is this leak.
Tom
It’s pretty bad. Prolonged exposure could lead to incapacitation or even death. Other possible side effects include hallucination, revelation of secrets, telling of truths, flashbacks, headaches, nostalgia. Can you believe this is happening to me on my last day of work? My last day. I don’t know if there was a party planned-

They gave Michael Keaton some good stuff;) Here we have some heavy-handed foreshadowing plus a toast to Lethal Weapon! “Tom” is playing the role of Sergeant Roger Murtaugh (played by Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon), a man who’s done his time, ready to retire, but is saddled with one last big problem, just after celebrating his birthday. (The gas leak is Riggs!) We’ll come back to this in a bit.

8:02
Jack
Evacuate the sixth floor. I don’t care if anyone dies. I refuse to have long gas-induced conversations with any of you people.
Pete
Boy, you know over the last five years we’ve had a lot of crazy of characters and guest stars drop by TGS-
Jack
Thank you, Pete!

Too late.

8:22
Liz
I can’t believe it’s been 100 shows. More like 100 little strokes! [laughs/cries] You know The Girlie Show was working just fine and then Jack came along and forced me to hire Tracy and now look at us. [sighs] Life was so much simpler back then. I had a boyfriend, Dennis. Sure he was an idiot, but he made great chili and he didn’t care if I watched TV during sex.
Blue Man
[makes squeaky noises]

Ahh they brought back the Blue Man! Who is played by Rachel Dratch, who was originally up for the role of Jenna (as she was the inspiration for the Jenna character). She played a bunch of weird bit parts in 30 Rock. The Blue Man was from S01E07 “Tracy Does Conan” where Tracy is slowly going crazy.

And Dennis. Man how I love Dennis. He was first in S01E06 “Jack Meets Dennis.” Every time I see him in any show or movie all I can think is “Dennis, the Beeper King.”

When I was in NYC last weekend I went to the NBC Experience Store and they have a 30 Rock section. Which is tiny. It’s barely larger than the Knight Rider section, which consists of two shirts. You can imagine my disappointment. Anyway, in the 30 Rock section the have a Beeper King t-shirt! So cool.

8:53
Pete
Liz, we have to evacuate the floor, there’s a gas leak.
Liz
What? What about the show?
Kenneth
Everyone! Evacuate immediately! This is not a drill. [motions everyone out with two large pens] The gas has not affected me yet so I can lead you to safety. Just follow these… Troll penises! [drops pens] Oh God, what have I done! [falls to the floor]

Troll penises. Hehe!

If you were insanely curious about what clever hilarious thing was written on Kenneth’s hard hat, wonder no longer! It was “Floor Emergency Marshal.”

[Update:] Reader Blake mentions that Kenneth became Floor Emergency Marshall in S03E04 “Gavin Volure.”

9:11
Rachael Ray
He is an Oscar winner for his role as D’Jeffrey “Lucky” Seeda in the movie Hard to Watch. Please welcome Tracy Jordan.
Tracy
[enters]
Rachael Ray
Tracy! Tracy! Tracy?
Tracy
Why don’t you shut your mouth, back that ass up, and make me a sandwich.

Rachel Ray is a daytime talk show. I guess it’s a woman, too. She hosts it. She used to teach cooking classes, then got her own cooking show (she has 3 now) and now.. a talk show! So multi-talented.

9:39
Regis Philbin
So, Tracy Jordan.
Kelly Ripa
You asked to come on our show because you had a revelation about your post-Oscar trip to Africa.
Tracy
I lied to all you ugly white ladies. I didn’t go to Africa. I was hiding in a warehouse in Queens watching vintage pornography.
Kelly Ripa
I love your honesty. [crowd applauds and cheers]

They’re really trotting out the guest appearances for this show. This is the Live with Regis and Kelly show. He’s ground through a few co-hosts, that Regis. I don’t think they’ve ever been heard from again. Watch yourself, Kelly.

Queens is a neighbourhood in New York, just east of Manhattan. It’s about a half hour cab ride from 30 Rock.

9:57
Matt Lauer
It’s because you didn’t feel like your authentic self that you walked away from success. That’s actually very brave, don’t you think?
Tracy
No! It’s un-brave! You should hate me!
Matt Lauer
I can’t. You fly free. I’m a bird in a cage. Hey, you gotta stay around, we’ve got our no-cook cooking hair make-unders.
Tracy
What does that even mean!?
Matt Lauer
It’s new haircuts, but you can make salads with them.
Tracy
[screams and leaves]
Matt Lauer
A true artist. He feels things we don’t. This is Today on NBC.

Matt Lauer is a co-anchor on NBC’s Today show. That is all.

Oh wait, he did once interview Abe Vigoda. Who is still alive.

10:32
Liz
No. We can’t do another Pam. Not tonight. Frank, what is this? “Broken Eyboard Alk Show?”
Frank
I write what I know. Also, I broke my keyboard.

This took me a second to get, but then I laughed and laughed;) I’m assuming he broke his “k,” so he wrote “Broken Keyboard Kock Show.” I’d watch that. [Update:] Reader Avi points out it was probably “Broken Keyboard Talk Show”. Okay, okay, he’s probably right;)

10:54
Liz
[answers phone] Tracy, how’d it go? Are you on your way back?
Tracy
It was a disaster!
Liz
What happened? What about our plan?
Tracy
I’m so beloved I could do no wrong! Now everyone’s after me! UNICEF, The Gates Foundation, and what is Farm Aid? Is it a drink? Is it a drug? Is it a bandage you put on a barn? See that’s the kind of lazy stand up I’ll never do again.

I love this type of humour. Sort of lamely funny, then mocks itself for it’s own attempt.

UNICEF (United Nation’s Children’s Fund) has been around since 1946. I always remember it because we’d carry around little orange boxes on Halloween for people to donate.

The Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation was set up by Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and now billionaire. They do a lot of great things, including pouring money into eradicating diseases in poorer countries. Big Pharma doesn’t care much about that because there’s no profit in curing poor people.

Farm Aid is none of the above, Tracy. Though I had to look it up;) It’s a series of concerts started in 1985 to provide financial aid to family farmers. It’s run by Willie Nelson, Neil Young, John Mellencamp, and Dave Matthews. I never know what to think about things like this. The capitalist in me says let the market sort it out; stop subsidizing things. But the other half says family farmers are good! They’re the way things should be, not massive agricultural conglomerates.

11:16
Liz
Tracy just come back, do the show tonight, and we’ll figure all this out.
Tracy
F.U.L.L. spells “full,” because you’re full of B.S., Liz Lemon.

They got me on this one;) Personally I think the whole “I’m going to say the first half of a sentence to make you think one thing, then I’ll finish my sentence, changing the meaning of the whole thing” is a little lame, but this one definitely got me;)

The “eff you L.L.” would translate to “fuck you, Liz Lemon.” Unless of course you finish the sentence.

11:25
Liz
Listen to me. There’s still time. The media won’t let you embarrass yourself, be like Michael McDonald and take it to the streets. Get the public to hate you and the media will follow, and then you’ll get your old life back. Trust me.
Tracy
You better be right, Liz Lemon, because I can’t take much more of this. I think Bono got in my limo.

Okay I have no idea which Michael McDonald she’s talking about or what he’s done. Wikipedia lists a bunch of Michael McDonalds, but none seem to have done anything controversial.

[Update:] Reader barryzuckerkorn says Michael McDonald reference alludes to the singer for the Doobie Brothers (they had a 1976 album called “Takin’ it to the Streets”, which was the first to feature McDonald with the band).

I’m just going to believe him.

Bono I know! Well, not personally. Bono (Paul David Hewson) is the lead singer for U2 and big into humanitarian work.

12:38
Tom
[fixing gas pipe] Just maybe one more turn then I can go home to my sweetheart. Told her boy I’d hit a home run for him tomorrow night. [slips and smashes open 52nd floor air vent] Dammit! I’m getting too hold for this “shhhhh” sound that comes from this gas pipe.

More Lethal Weapon references! This one’s from Murtough’s line “I’m too old for this shit.” “What?!” I hear you say? “The line is ‘I’m getting too old for this shit.” No sir, that’s a common mistake. Like “Beam me up, Scotty.” Never actually said in the show.

13:02
Sideways Jack
[in Jack’s office] [kicks open door]
Jack
Who are you? You’re so handsome.
Sideways Jack
I’m Jack Donaghy. CEO of General Electric. The question is who are you?
Jack
I’M Jack Donaghy.
Sideways Jack
You WERE Jack Donaghy. You WERE magnificent.
Jack
I’m still magnificent.
Sideways Jack
No. I come from an alternate universe in which I followed our plan for world domination. I run the General, I own an NFL team, I guest starred on Entourage. What do you do?

“Run the General” = General Electric.

Entourage is an HBO show (2004-present) based on Mark Wahlberg and his friends, set in LA.

13:39
Jack
I’ll tell you what I don’t do: wear a striped tie with a striped shirt.
Sideways Jack
It’s called “power clashing” and I do it because I can. I wore this on the January cover of Meetings Magazine.
Jack
We made the cover during Meetings History Month?
Sideways Jack
*I* made the cover. What happened to you, Jack? You were supposed to spend six months in TV as part of your climb up the GE ladder. You’ve been here five years. And here [laughs] it isn’t even GE anymore. It’s Kableclown.

“Power clashing??” I don’t think it had a name before just now, but apparently it’s a thing. Read about it here.

They love their Meetings Magazine! It’s been big this season. S05E15 “It’s Never Too Late For Now” started it. Different writers, though. I love how they riff of each other’s stuff.

14:14
Jack
You bastard! I’m doing fine!
Sideways Jack
You used to be a shark!
Jack
I still am! Look at my claws!
Sideways Jack
Sharks don’t have claws. You don’t even know what a shark is anymore!
Jack
Oh God!

Jack’s been referred to as a shark before:

14:31
Jack
Lemon?
Sideways Jack
She became your focus at the expense of your own ambition. You should have realized WITHIN A WEEK that she was black hole unworthy of our mentorship. And now it’s five years later and what are you doing? Are you building factories in Bangalore? Are you dining in the Palin White House? No.

Bangalore India’s third largest city.

Apparently in this alternate universe Sarah Palin is the President of the United States. Weird. And Tina Fey did (hilarious) impersonations of Sarah Palin a few years back during the election.

14:53
Sideways Jack
You’re approving TGS wrap gifts. Baseball caps with stupid sayings from the show written on them. [holds up hat] What the hell is a “PWOMP”?
Jack
It’s when two fat people-
Sideways Jack
[throws hat at Jack] I don’t care! What’s happened to you? To us? We make me sick.

Just in case you were wondering, this isn’t actually from a previous episode. There was no “PWOMP.” You hear me? None.

15:34
Tracy
I am a Jedi!
Brooklyn Idiot
Hey look, Tracy Jordan is ironically re-appropriating his bad past behaviour as a commentary on Fitzgerald’s dictum that there are no second acts in American life. I’m going to take a picture of him with my old-fashioned camera-

Well he got the first half right. In S01E01 “Pilot” Tracy ran screaming “I am a Jedi!” though the interstate. Cuz he’s crazy.

The other half is a bit of off-base intellectualizing. It refers to F. Scott Fitzgerald’s point that you only get one shot at success in life.

The old-fashioned camera he has is a Diana F+ camera. It’s one of these weird retro-plastic cameras under the umbrella category “Lomography,” after the original Lomo cameras that were created in Russia in the 1980s. They were incredibly crappy cheap cameras that leaked light and distorted the photos, but a bunch of San Franciscan hipsters got a hold of them in the 1990s and started producing them again. They caught on. They do take pretty cool photos and have even inspired iPhone apps like Instagram and Plastic Bullet Camera that create Lomographic-style images. Can you tell I like this subject?;) I had these kind of cameras on the tables at my wedding.

16:07
Liz
“Tracy Jordan saves drowning man?” Oh come on!

Liz is reading that off the news ticker on the 10 Rockefeller Center (home of NBC’s Today show) building. You can see it from 30 Rockafeller plaza where they’re hanging out. It was kind of funny, I saw that in the episode, wondered if that was actually there, and ended up going to NYC the next day for a wedding and stayed right across from 30 Rock. Yup. It’s there.

16:12
Frank
Why is Tracy off rescuing people? Why isn’t he here?
Liz
He will be, I promise. And we need to be ready. Lutz, what are you working on?
Lutz
Breathing through my mouth so I don’t smell the throw up on my shirt. [gags] I would take my shirt off but I visited my rescued chimp for his birthday last week and another chimp got mad and bit my nipple off. He played with it and then he kissed it and then he ate it.

I just love the chimp image. You can just picture it so clearly. It’s so very Lutz.

16:32
Liz
Dammit, Lutz, focus up! Where is my computer? Cerie, did you not bring my computer down?
Cerie
You said you were writing. I’ve only seen you use that computer to look at pictures of Nate Berkus.
Liz
Ahhhh! Pwomp!

Nate Berkus is an interior designer with his own show, imaginatively titled The Nate Berkus Show.

16:44
Liz
Hey, Jack, you’re friends with Jeter and Springsteen, right? Can you call and see if they’ll be in the cold open? They’d have to kiss?
Jack
Oh really, Lemon? You still need my help? Five years of my business life wasted, and I’m still supposed to hold your hand. Your wet and somehow still flaky hand.

Jeter = Derek Jeter, shortstop and team captain for the New York Yankees.

Springsteen = The inimitable Bruce Springsteen, who’s been rockin’ out since 1962 and still going strong.

17:10
Jack
No, it’s just empty. This TV nonsense was supposed to be my stepping stone and instead it’s my gravestone. And do you know whose fault that is?
Liz
Sorta feel like you’re going to say… Leno?
Jack
You. I got so sucked into trying to repair you that I became the American auto industry failing to recognize that you can’t fix a lemon.

Leno? Why would it be Leno’s fault?

Jack had a good pun. And I hate puns. Lemon’s both Liz Lemon and lemon as in “piece of crap car.”

17:34
Jack
So what’s your point, Lemon? You’d rather be doing The Girlie Show and going home to Dennis?
Liz
I didn’t say that. But at least Dennis was always there for me, he’s the only guy I can say that about. I dragged YOU down? Opposite!

Liz’s use of “opposite” reminds me of Dr. Spaceman in S03E22 “Kidney Now!” where he’s trying to remember who’s giving and who’s receiving a kidney because it was written down backwards. “Opposite. Opposite! Opposite!” Hilarious!

17:45
Jack
I should have gone with my gut and fired you when we first met.
Liz
What?? Flashback, please.
Jack
[flashback] Uh, Pete hang back.
Pete
[flashback] Yeah, you bet.
Liz
[flashback] [piece of ceiling falls on her head as she leaves]
Jack
[flashback] We have a problem.
Pete
[flashback] I can explain. My zipper broke.
Jack
[flashback] I don’t think Liz Lemon’s female voice is a good match for Tracy Jordan. Firing Lemon will send a message to the whole staff.
Pete
[flashback] No, no, you can’t fire Liz. She hasn’t got much going on. She threw a birthday party for her TV. If you fire Liz, then… then I quit.
Jack
[flashback] You’ll never succeed by sticking your neck out for someone like her, but if that’s how you feel, so be it. The important thing is that I fire someone… Pete.
Liz
You tried to fire me, and then a week later you’re like “oh, I want to mentor you. Unlikely friendship.” Who do you think you are?

Nice! They pulled a Back to the Future-style retcon. This scene is from S01E01 “Pilot” (they’re going back to that one a lot this episode) and is actually the first scene that Pete and Liz meet Jack. In the first episode the scene actually ends right after the ceiling falls on Liz’s head. The rest of the first episode is Liz fighting Jack to get Pete’s job back.

The mentoring line comes from S01E06 “Jack Meets Dennis.” Liz refused him at the time.

18:47
Jenna
Mmm. The MSG is delicious today.
Paul
I’m so glad that you were able to meet me at my break. Is this just to talk or will you be activating my electric underwear?

MSG = monosodium glutamate = a naturally occurring non-essential amino acid = flavour-enhancing food additive = has a distinct umami taste (the redheaded stepchild to the other flavours of sweet, salty, bitter, and sour). It got a bad name for being bad for you, but none of the follow-up research supported that.

19:40
Manager
Break’s over, Paul. Crew meeting in Lady Chantarelle’s office. He’s pissed.

Good name. A chanterelle is a kind of golden-orange mushroom. They’re rare and delicious.

19:48
Dennis
Hey, Dummy!
Liz
Ah! What?
Dennis
Whoa. You look good. You lose weight or something? Your neck, it looks looser.

I friggin love Dennis. Even his compliments are highly offensive. I get an image of a old woman’s turkey neck as the “now” and an overstuffed bloated sausage for the “before.”

19:55
Liz
What are you doing here, Dennis?
Dennis
[pulls out old cell phone] I got your message.
Liz
What message?
Dennis
[plugs speakers into phone and plays message]

Ha! No surprise. The Beeper King moves into the cell phone age with one of the first cell phones ever made: the Motorola DynaTAC 8000X. And his “speakerphone” setup is fantastic. A big external speaker and an audio line-out hacked into the phone. Ha!

20:11
Liz
[flashback] [one hour earlier] Things were better five years ago, Jack. I was in my thirties and everything. [dials phone]
Dennis
[flashback] [message] Whazaaaaap? You’ve reached Dennis’ voicemail. How YOU doin? Get out of here, Joey. I’m recording my voicemail message.
Liz
[flashback] [laughs] Is that real?

Oh, Dennis. So lovably out of date. His answering machine message seems to be a combination of old-school memes: the “Wassup?” is from the often parodied old Budweiser commercials (1999-2002) and the “How YOU doin?” is an imitation of Joey from the TV show Friends (1994-2004).

20:38
Liz
Okay, I did call you but I was not in my right mind. I mean how could I be to call you after everything you’ve done?
Chris Hanson
[TV flashback] Good evening, sir, I’m Chris Hanson with Dateline NBC. Can I ask you what you’re doing here tonight?
Dennis
[TV flashback] Yeah I’m here to boff some chick named Mary.
Dennis
[bar flashback] Hey. Threesome? How about it, huh?
Dennis
[restaurant flashback] It’s Tanya, right? It’s wonderful service.
Liz
[restaurant flashback] Could you maybe not hit on the waitress I-
Dennis
[restaurant flashback] Chew and screw. Run, dummy! [runs out]
Liz
[restaurant flashback] Dammit! Dennis! I checked a coat!

  • Boffin Mary: From the last scene of S01E08 “The Break-Up” where Dennis gets caught in an underage dating Dateline sting.
  • Bar threesome: Was an earlier scene from the same episode.
  • Restaurant flashback: I don’t think this was an actual episode. I think they made it up for this one. Hilarious, though! [Update:] I originally had it as “Jewish Screw,” but reader Chris Jenkins said it’s probably “Chew and screw.” I think he’s right.

22:10
Tracy
I’m back, Liz Lemon.
Liz
Tracy’s back!
Frank
Yes! [everyone cheers]
Liz
I’m going to need an Obama cold open, a Fart Doctor, and you know what, write up that bum’s Empire State Building idea.

A “cold open” is when a show jumps right into the action, before the credits start.

Carol asks Liz about the Fart Doctor sketch in S04E22 “I Do I Do,” and Liz says she writes them all. I can’t find the original Fart Doctor sketch, though. I remember it, with Tracy hooked up so some big fart machine.

[Update:] Reader Blake says the Fart Doctor was also used in S03E17 “Cutbacks” as part of Liz’s demonstration to try and prevent her show suffering cutbacks.

22:20
Tracy
No! I mean I’m back to where I was yesterday. I can’t get anyone mad at me. I even called the woman’s basketball team “nappy headed hos,” but apparently I’m allowed to talk like that. Why!?

Nappy is offensive slang for tighly curled hair, like many black women wear.

[Update:] Readers Blake and Avi mention that the nappy headed ho’s line was used by Don Irmis, he got a lot of flack for it and they reference Don in S5E03 “Let’s Stay Together” [confirmed!]. When Jack is talking to Regina Bookman, Tracy says “Yo Jackie D. I had dinner with Don Imus last night. He told the following joke –” and Jack immediately hangs up on Regina.

22:35
Hank
I just had a meeting with News down on four. Brian Williams sure gets close to you when he talks. Very feminine energy. Anyway I thought I’d just swing by and introduce myself to Tracy Jordan but-

They love Brian Williams on this show. They have him on all the time. They even made a cartoon short with him and Jack where Jack uses his superpowers to cheat Williams out of frozen yogurt. It’s fantastic. They have Jack’s evil victory smile down perfectly.

22:52
Hank
You know I once had to speak to the Screen Actor’s Guild. Bunch of nut jobs, but you couldn’t make movies and TV without them. [laughs]
Liz
[laughs]
Hank
I’m just kidding! I mean, look at March of the Penguins. Who was in that? Good luck tonight. You’re going to need it.

[Update:] Reader Chiyto points out that Hank is played by Ken Howard who is the president of the Screen Actors Guild. Ironically he is mocking the SAG. Nice!

Penguins. Penguins are who was in that. Plus Morgan Freeman narrated. March of the Penguins. Good movie.

24:23
Liz
C’mon, guys! [dropping money on everyone] I’m making it rain!
Tracy
You see what you’ve done, Liz Lemon?
Liz
Tracy Jordan is broken. It’s over.
Strip Club Manager
Geta offa stage! No whites!

I think she said “no whites!” I hope she did;) Cuz of the funny.

[Update:] Reader Avi mentions that the strip club manager is none other than Rachel Dratch, long time 30 Rock collaborator and inspiration for the show.

[Update again:] Reader Spritle correctly pointed out that the strip club manager ISN’T played by Rachel Dratch, but by Nancy Eng, as confirmed by IMDB.

25:07
Kenneth
Miss Maroney, I’d do anything for you or Mr. Jordan but this is wrong.
Jenna
But Kenneth, you might be my only chance. [plays with his face]
Kenneth
No! [flees]
Jenna
Fine. I’ll get you when you’re sleeping! It’s not rape if neither party really wants it!

When Jenna molests Kenneth’s face it totally reminds me of S02E07 “Beating a Dead Workforce” of Better off Ted. Fantastic show. Go watch it. Go watch it all.

26:00
Jenna
The show needs you. And I need you. I’d rather do the show than have a baby.
Tracy
But you don’t understand.
Jenna
Oh I do understand. Look at Roman Polanski.
Tracy
No thank you.

Roman Polanski is a famous writer/producer/director/actor, best known for Rosemary’s Baby (1968), Chinatown (1974), The Pianist (2002), and most recently The Ghost Writer (2010). He’s not a pretty man.

26:10
Jenna
Or Elia Kazan. He told the government his friends were communists then got a standing ovation at the Oscars.
Tracy
That’s crazy! A man named Elia. That’s a giraffe’s name.

That is crazy. Jerome is a giraffe’s name!

Elia Kazan (1909-2003) was famous for stage direction, but also directed classic movies like A Streetcar Named Desire (1951), On the Waterfront (1954), East of Eden (1955), and America, America (1963). In 1952 he testified before the very Commie-era-sounding “House Committee on Un-American Activities,” saying eight former Group Theatre members had been communists. He kind of screwed himself by doing that. He got a partial standing ovation at the Oscars. A bunch of people specifically just staying sitting. And not clapping. It was probably awkward.

26:21
Jenna
You know, when you think about it, then only celebrities that completely undo their goodwill are the murderers. John Wilkes Booth, Phil Spector, O.J. Simpson… who texted me earlier today.
Tracy
Shoot someone, huh? Nah. That’s crazy, even for us.
Jenna
I guess it would take a pretty big gas leak to make you think THAT was a good idea.

  • John Wilkes Booth: Assassinated President Abraham Lincoln in 1865.
  • Phil Spector: American producer and songwriter shot actress Lana Clarkson to death in his home in 2003.
  • O.J. Simpson: Acquitted of the 1994 murder of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson. Although he’s currently serving time for armed robbery and kidnapping. Nice one. [Update:] Reader Chiyto mentioned that Jenna’s spoken of O.J. before, and reader Blake found it: S03E01 “Do-Over” – “Well I first met Liz in 1993, she was fresh out of college and I had just broken up with OJ Simpsons and can I just say something? Total gentleman.”

26:43
Liz
All right! 100th episode, 100 hours of comedy!
Toofer
Minus the commercials.
Liz
20 hours of comedy! [goes into office]

Funny;) 30 Rock’s “half hour” episodes, like most half hour programs, are actually 22 minutes plus commercials. They’re actually talking about TGS, though, which is modelled on Saturday Night Live, which is an hour and a half long. I can’t find anywhere it says the number of minutes it actually runs, but let’s figure it out. If a regular half hour is actually 22 minutes of “comedy” (which 30 Rock is) that’s 73% content. SNL is 90 minutes, so 73% of that is about 66 minutes of “comedy” (which SNL is sometimes;), but let’s take out the musical guest, which isn’t supposed to be comedy, so that’s 2-3 sets at an average of 4? minutes each, so 56 minutes of show in SNL’s 90 minute timeslot.

Okay I just finished all that and then realized TGS doesn’t seem to have musical guests plus they mention 100 episodes = 100 hours, so they’re not a 90-minute format, so we’re back to the 73% content formula, so after 100 episodes (100 hours) TGS would actually have had 73 hours of comedy.

I think I over-explained this one a bit. Whatever! It stays!

27:01
Liz
Oh my God. My show is getting cancelled, I am never speaking to Jack Donaghy again, and the worst thing that happened to me today is that YOU showed up.
Dennis
Ah, cuz you called ME.
Liz
When I was high on gas. Do you not understand what that means??
Dennis
No, not really. Gas has no effect on me at all. When I was growing up, my school, Gerry Cooney Elementary, it was right next to a gas works in Queens. It ventilated into the cafeteria. We got a big settlement from the city. Our parents voted to spend it on a boat that the families could share, but then that sank. But you know what, I’m still smart enough to know that I’ll never do better than you, Liz Lemon, cuz you’re a cook in the bedroom and a whore in the kitchen, so I’m going to give you one more shot to admit to me that you keep bringing me back into your life for a reason.

Gerry Cooney is an Irish-American boxer. There is no elementary school named after him anywhere. But Dennis’s story is awesome.

28:24
Jack
Yeah. I get it.
Past Jack
Do you? Cuz it seems like you don’t get much of anything anymore, old man. If you’re my future I’m going to jump.
Sideways Jack
Stop him! If he jumps we don’t exist anymore.
Jack
I’m perfectly aware of that. I studied Time Dilation and Quantum Teleportation in college.
Sideways Jack
No you didn’t. You saw Timecop.
Past Jack
Really? I never saw Timecop.
Jack
You will. In 2007. And you’ll love it.

Time dilation and quantum teleportation are physics terms, the first referring to the apparently difference in elapsed time between two observers moving relative to each other (they’ll both see each other’s watches running slower than their own) and the latter refers to quantum entanglement between two particles transferring the information from the first to the second instantaneously, what Einstein referred to as “spooky action at a distance.”

Both of these concepts play into time travel theory. Cosmonaut Sergei Avdeyev is 20 milliseconds younger than he should be due to time dilation from his time in space (the earth’s gravity well coming into play here). However, quantum entanglement currently has no known use in theoretical time travel.

I don’t remember Timecop being that great, and Rotten Tomatoes only gave it 22%, but hey, it’s sci-fi, so it gets some leeway for that.

28:48
Jack
Why are you talking like that?
Past Jack
This is how everyone talked in the 80s. This is how Reagan talked.

It’s true! Everyone kind of had that Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure-style laid back surfer/valley girl talk. Jack did a fantastic job of mixing that and President Ronald Reagan’s speech mannerisms.

29:14
Sideways Jack
Jack, be the man you were meant to be. Me. This tuxedo is made out of the puma that I rode into my 50th birthday party.
Jack
Why are you both wearing tuxedos.
Sideways Jack
[simultaneously with Past Jack] It’s after six. What are we, farmers?
Past Jack
[simultaneously with Sideways Jack] It’s after six. What are we, farmers?

The puma he rode into his 50th birthday party. This is why Jack is a winner. I bet he was wearing Sex Panther at the time. 60% of the time it works every time.

Jack first used the “what are we, farmers?” line in S01E07 “Tracy Does Conan.” I think I’ll instigate that practice.

29:32
Dr. Spaceman
Just want to check everything after your little gas scare. Well my pen light is working. That’s good. Now, can you say the alphabet for me.
Pete
Well a very very heavy, uh, heavy, de-pertation tonight. We had a very ders… derrisson? by… Let’s go ahead and tear a station, let’s gud the bip the hebun bip.

I just love Pete’s babbling here. It reminds me of how my sister described listening to people speak Swedish: “It’s like you’re hearing someone speak English, but sort of muffled from another room so you can’t quite make it out.”

[Update:] Whoa! Readers flomberschmomph and Avi pointed out that Pete isn’t just babbling, he’s parodying a reporter, Serene Branson, that may have had a stroke while reporting live from the Grammys. Check it out, it’s pretty crazy!

29:53
Dr. Spaceman
Excellent. [sees Pete off] My God, Jenna, are you pregnant? How? Did you go swimming in a public pool?
Jenna
No, I got in my head about having a baby and now I’m having a hysterical pregnancy.
Dr. Spaceman
Well that’s redundant. All pregnancies are hysterical. They’re started by penises. [chuckles]

Dr. Spaceman dispenses high-quality medical advice once more. The old “you can get pregnant by swimming in a public pool” myth is up there with “you can lose your virginity by riding a horse” and “bears can smell menstruation.”

The “All pregnancies are hysterical. They’re started by penises” doesn’t make much sense, though. [Update:] Oh wait. Reader WK pointed out that anything started by penises is hysterical. True, true.

Jane Krakowski was actually very pregnant while filming this episode. She gave birth to a son on April 11, ten days before this episode aired.

30:20
Greta Johansen
Hey. Greta Johansen your animal wrangler.
Pete
My God you’re beautiful. [kisses Greta]

And Rachel Dratch is back again! Two cameos in a single episode. We first saw Greta Johansen, cat wrangler, in S01E01 “Pilot.”

30:27
Danny
[singing] If you say goodbye tonight all I’ll have will be my memories, so keep on reaching for the light. [montage of old Josh scenes] I now believe these are my memories, my memories- [falls over drum kit]

Ooo this may be tough…

  • Josh leaping up and singing: S01E01 “Pilot,” and Josh is actually singing the theme song to Pam: The Overly-Confident Morbidly Obese Woman. Although he seems to sync up with Danny’s line of “I now believe,” he’s actually singing “Me, oh, my.” Though it looks exactly like he’s singing “I now believe.” Weird. I wonder how did they did that. I can’t imagine they redid the scene to sync up that two-second spot. Maybe clever editing?
  • Josh drawing a mustache on his reflection: Hmmm.. I don’t know where this one’s from.
  • Josh doing the worm: S01E15 “Hardball” where Liz forces Josh to do the worm as punishment for screwing with his contract.
  • Josh showing his bellybutton: No idea;) [Update:] Readers WK and Avi found it! S04E04 “Audition Day” at 15:42.
  • Josh trying to flip over the writers’ table: S04E01 “Season 4” when Liz doesn’t notice Josh as she talks about looking for a new actor to replace him.

30:47
Kenneth
Mr. Jordan, I refuse to accept this is happening. You leaving is as crazy to me as evolution or a woman’s right to choose her haircut.

Equating the foolish anti-evolution movement to the ignorant misogyny. As well it should be! Retards.

31:33
Liz
Hey, Dummy!
Dennis
Hey. You ready to sign that lease? Remember how we were talking earlier about me moving in with you and how hard it is to kick a tenant out in New York? Just think about it. I’ll make you chili every night. I’ll provide for you. I have a new business idea. It’s like Netflix, but you go to a store and you pick out your video from a limited selection.
Liz
It’d be like five years ago.
Dennis
Exactly. I can move my stuff in tonight, right? I just have one duffel bag and a sidecar. My motorcycle got impounded for being parked too awesome. I just need you to sign this lease I printed up off the internet.

That’s awesome. Dennis just though up the business model that Netflix just killed. GO DENNIS! Blockbuster (bankrupt 2010) couldn’t compete with the cable video-on-demand services, Redbox vending-machine rentals, and the new streaming video providers like Netflix. Never compete against laziness. You’ll always lose.

And “being parked too awesome” is a fantastic line. I like to imagine they were attached at the time and they impounded the motorcycle but not the sidecar.

32:22
Jack
Oh no.
Future Jack
Let me introduce myself. I am-
Jack
Future Jack, obviously. Is that what we’re wearing in ten years?
Future Jack
More like thirty-five years.
Jack
You’re eighty-seven years old? My God I’m outstanding.

Love the look. It looks like a Tron version of Mark Twain.

32:43
Future Jack
I like to think so. I’ve come all the way from the future – which is a lot harder than coming from the past –
Past Jack
Whatever, pops.
Future Jack
– to warn you not to listen to the other Jacks. In the future you’re happier than you ever imagined. You have grandchildren and a gorgeous Polyblasian wife. That’s a new race that emerges in 2030. They’re incredible!

Polyblasian?? WTF would that be? A mixture of Polynesian and.. black? Asian? Lesbian? Oh let it be lesbian!

Why does he sound like Hannibal Lector in Silence of the Lambs? He develops an accent o er the next 35 years? Fantastic.

33:14
Future Jack
Younger me’s business is only a part of life. Real happiness-
Sideways Jack
Aw, shut up. Don’t listen to his crap, Jack. If you choose my path you’ll be plenty happy. You’ll spearhead GE’s development of the electric vagina! You won’t be married but you’ll have a house with a lot of glass and it’s cold. And you’ll own the Buffalo Bills.
Jack
You didn’t say it was the Bills.

The Buffalo Bills are an NFL football team. They haven’t won a league championship since 1965.

34:16
Sideways Jack
Okay. We’re obviously all thinking it so I’m just going to say it. We’re going to have sex with each other, right?
Past Jack
Yeah. Yeah.
Future Jack
Oh my.

The ultimate in narcissism. Go Jack!

34:36
Jack
No. [rips up contract] If you have a problem I will fight you Dennis.
Dennis
That wouldn’t be very fair. I’m only trained to fight four or more men at a time.
Jack
There are three more of me upstairs and I’d be happy to go get them.
Dennis
I can’t. I hurt my wrist.

This reminds me of The Princess Bride where Fezzik complains he was only bested by the Man in Black because he’s been specializing in fighting groups. Fantastic movie. One of the few where I can’t decide if the book or the movie is better.

35:19
Liz
Oh my God the show! I got to load in an audience, I got to distribute scripts, I got to change Jenna’s blood! I need Kenneth!

Change Jenna’s blood?? Like they’re preserving her by swapping out her fluids? They usually only do that for kidney patients.

36:05
Jenna
I know what my future holds, Hank. Motherhood. It’s a surprise to me but I have so much love to give.
Hank
Well why couldn’t you be a mother and do a daytime talk show?
Jenna
Well because the talk show would be my baby. I’m not going to be held back by some uterus turd. Let’s call my agent.
Liz
Oh my God! Your stomach! [looks at Jenna’s flat stomach]
Jenna
[looks at her flat stomach and smiles]

“Uterus turd”?! Fantastic.

When they pan down it actually looks like she’s not pregnant, which is amazing because she’s actually nine months pregnant in real life! I don’t know how they did that.

36:27
Kenneth
[on roof] For some reason I’m starting to rethink this, sir.
Tracy
We all have doubt, K-Tel Records, but we made a decision, and we’ll look stupid if we don’t follow through.

K-Tel Records! I remember that from 80s commercials. Apparently they still exist! And they’re still putting out Mini Pops albums! Crazy.

37:03
Jack
Tracy, you want to destroy the goodwill you have so you can go back to your easy TV job?
Tracy
Yes, even more than I want to shoot Kenneth!
Jack
Then all you have to do is go back to your easy TV job.
Tracy
What?
Jack
Do TV and no one will ever take you seriously again. It doesn’t matter how big a movie star you are, even if you had the kind of career where you walked away from a blockbuster franchise or worked with Meryl Streep or Anthony Hopkins, made important movies about things like civil rights or Pearl Harbor, stole films with supporting roles and then turned around and blew them away on Broadway. None of that will matter once you do television. You could win ever award in sight. Be the biggest thing on the small screen and you’ll still get laughed out of the Vanity Fair Oscar party by Greg Kinnear. Tracy, your career hit rock bottom the first time you decided to do TGS. You want it to hit rock bottom again? Go on network television.
Tracy
Let’s make some TV!

This is fantastc. Jack has just gone over every aspect of his (Alec Baldwin’s) career!

38:12
Tom
Ahh! Ahh! Ahh! Sorry, folks. While we were working on the gas line we somehow broke the elevator. She’s an old building. You’re going to have to take the stairs. [everyone races downstairs]

True! 30 Rockafeller Plaza was built in 1933.

38:37
Guy in Wheelchair
[in wheelchair] Excuse me, the elevators are out. Do you know how I could-
Jack
Shut up, Garkle!

Alan Garkle, as seen in S01E20 “Cleveland” where he gets a job over Floyd, Liz’s then boyfriend which causes him to move away. Thanks to Blake for this one!

38:41
Brian Williams
Well, if it isn’t Jack and Kenneth and Tracy and Liz. Hey, I have a bone to pick with the four of you.
Liz
Screw, Williams! [pushes him]

Ahhh the ever-loved Brian Williams. No episode is complete without a Brian Williams cameo. He’s the anchor and managing editor of the NBC Nightly News.

38:50
Hobo
Hey get out of my home!
Liz
Sorry, recurring hobos!

They DO have hobos on a lot!

[Update:] Reader CBH pointed out these are recurring hobos! Well, one of them at least: Craig Castaldo. He was also in S01E11 “The Head and the Hair” (“Give me your fingernails!”). He’s **actually* homeless! He’s also known as Radio Man due to the radio he hangs around his neck and has been on a variety of shows. Hilarious.

39:14
Pete
Liz, I was checking the cue cards and we have a problem. It all seemed so funny when they were writing it.
Liz
During Dennis’ gas leak!
Pete
[flashback] Yes! This’ll work. Just flip the top of act 2. Danny can’t make the wardrobe change that quick.
Frank
[flashback] Best show ever! Yeah! [they all hug and laugh]
Blue Man
[flashback] Guys. I don’t know about this.

Okay now they’re just contradicting themselves. The storyboard they show has the show starting at 10:30 and ending at midnight. That’s an hour and a HALF. Whatever. Here’s what the storyboard shows:

  • 10:30: [hidden blue card], roll of toilet paper, a white card reading “COMM. 1,” blue card with a drawing of a gun, a wig with Groucho glasses on it, a dirty sock, a white card reading “COMM. 2,” a crayon drawing of something red & pink, a blue card reading “SHUT UP, TOOFER,” and a finished crossword puzzle.
  • 11:00: a bag of Cheesy Blasters (rah!), a pair of red jockey underwear, a white card reading “COMM. 5,” a photo of a dog, a pink card with a cartoon animal face reading “HELP,” a doll’s head with a blacked out eye, a white card reading “COMM. 7,” a blue card reading “LEAVE THiS CARD BLANK,” a hot dog bun pinned to the board with a knife, a blank blue card, a few slices of bologna thumb-tacked to the board, and a ripped piece of paper.
  • 11:30: a photocopy of someone’s hand, a red letter L, a yellow number 5, a few Sheinhardt Wigs playing cards, a blue card with a bunch of MMMM’s on it (or maybe just zig zags), a white card reading “COMM. 8,” a folded up piece of paper, a pink origami crane, a crumpled up blue card, a white card reading “GOOD NIGHT & CREDITS,” a bag of cheese curls pinned to the board, and a blank blue card.
  • 12:00: a CD pinned to the board and another Shinehardt Wigs card.
  • 11:15: (yes, it’s out of order) a couple of thumb tacks and one other thing mostly off-screen.

39:34
Liz
Oh my God. We don’t have a show. [looks at Hank]
Hank
[gives Liz a thumbs-sideways motion]

I’m sure they didn’t mean this, but Hank’s sideways thumb motion reminds me of all of the movies of gladiators where Caesar (or whoever’s presiding over the games) holds his thumb sideways while deciding whether the opponent lives or dies.

39:56
Danny
[to audience laughing uproariously] Let’s meet our contestants. Dr. Steven Poop is a homemaker and a centaur.
Hank
[laughing] You did it! You’re picked up for a million more episodes! Where am I? Am I back in Vietnam?

[Update:] Reader CBH mentioned that Dr. Steven Poop is from an old Saturday Night Live sketch. Good memory! The sketch is S25E10 (15-Jan-2000) and I found a transcript. It starred Will Ferrell, Molly Shannon, Tim Meadows, and 30 Rock’s very own Rachel Dratch!

The sign behind Tracy and Jenna reads “Talk Show Game Show Sketch My Head Hurts.”

It was established in S05E18 “Plan B” that Hank is a Vietnam vet.

40:21
Danny
What charity are you playing for?
Tracy
The Grimace Foundation, Jeremy. Keeping milkshakes purple for over a million years!

Grimace is a McDonalds’ character. He’s a big purple egg-shaped thing. No one knows what he is, really. Apparently he was introduced in 1971 as “Evil Grimace” and had two set of arms to better steal your milkshakes!

40:26
Tom Hanks
[watching on TV at home] Hold on. Tracy’s back on TV again? [picks up phone] Clooney, Hanks. Actor emergency. Tracy Jordan’s doing TV again. I know. Disappointing. Take him off the official A list. Well I don’t have the password. Pitt’s our webmaster. Well then wake him up! [hangs up] They’re doing Pam again? Ugh. [turns off TV] [singing] I don’t care what you say anymore this is my life. Go ahead with your own life, leave me a lone.

And Tom Hanks! They really pulled out the stops for this movie. He’s apparently talking to George Cluny, and Brad Pitt’s their webmaster.

[Update:] Okay I totally meant to comment on the song but forgot, so reader Barry and Chiyto pointed it out: he’s singing Billy Joel’s “My Life.” Plus it was a reference to his own TV career: That song was the theme to his Bosom Buddies 1980s TV series.

41:43
Jenna
Wow, five years. It makes you think about all the fun we’ve had together.
Tracy
But you know the single most amazing thing that’s happened over the last five years? [cuts to shot of white turkey snowboarding]

That’s a clip of Christmas, a 12 pound turkey that snowboards in the name of… I’m not really sure. Not eating turkey for Christmas? You can use a copy of the clip in your own TV show for $75!

41:57
Kenneth
That is true, sir, but today does make me wonder where we’ll all be five years from now. [cuts to cemetery with headstones reading “Tracy Jordan, Father, Husband, Diabetic, Alcoholic, Hero, Born sometime in 1970?, Died March 17, 2016”, “Jenna Maroney, Born February 24, 1969, Died March 17, 2016”, “Kenneth Ellen Parcell, May 27, 1781 – March 31, 2016”]
Kenneth
[his hand giving a thumbs up comes out of his grave]

Ho! More details on Kenneth the Immortal. So he was born in 1781?? Holy gods, so he’s 229 years old.

And somehow Tracy and Jenna died on the same day, March 17, 2016, and Kenneth died two weeks later. [Update:] And reader Avi points out – and I can’t believe I missed this – that March 17 is of course St. Patrick’s day, so they probably drank themselves to death.

And then came back to life. KENNETH LIVES!!

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46 Responses to 30 Rock S05E20: "100"

  1. Blake says:

    Oh wow, a flashback episode? That's pretty lazy for a 100th episode. The one thing I don't like about what they've done to Rock is how they ignore that TGS existed for more than 5 years and was moderately successful without Tracy. Jack only brought Tracy in to boost their demographics and attract more men because it had a huge female only audience.

    ANyway, trivia wise:

    6:21 : The blue monster thing appeared in 107 – Tracy Does Conan when Tracy came off his meds and later when Liz had low blood sugar. Think the lady who plays it is called Rachel Dratch who's played a bunch of minor characters in the first season. Most recently she was Yodwiga in the live episode.

    Garkle near the end appeared in 120 – Cleveland, he stole a job from Floyd being in the wheelchair and all.

    Not really much trivia I noticed from earlier episodes.

    And Baldwin deserves another Emmy for his performances

  2. Roseli says:

    I loved this episode and the flashbacks were a great idea, they add new scenes to flashbacks like the one where Jack fired Pete. The whole episode makes reference to the history of 30 Rock and this is a great way to celebrate 100 episodes. I loved each moment, each scene and I think they made a wonderful work. 30 Rock is fantastic!!!

  3. Debs says:

    Jack's diatribe near the end to persuade Tracey that if he wants to lose his Oscar credibility he can do it by coming back to TV is again is the writers making fun of Alec Baldwin, who achieved all the things he lists in movies and on Broadway. "Walking away from a huge movie franchise' – well, he recently told the whole story of how he left the role of Jack Ryan after The Hunt For Red October on his Huffington Post blog (it was in his open letter to Charlie Sheen).

  4. Cam says:

    Wooo thanks for all the comments, people! I've incorporated it all into the trivia which is FINALLY done. Thanks for your patience.

  5. flomberschmomph says:

    One thing you missed – at 29:32 Pete isn't just babbling, he's parodying a reporter, Serene Branson, that may have had a stroke while reporting live from the Grammys. Check it out, it's pretty crazy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9RCaRv-_jQ

  6. Chris Jenkins says:

    1.28 I think Hank's joke is that he went to Okinawa on leave and caught the clap, hence he needed a shot.
    20.38 I think Dennis's phrase is 'Chew and screw', ie 'eat and run'.

  7. Chiyto says:

    4 23 I don't think the joke of Danny being able to see a flashback is because Josh is dead. Danny wasn't able so see the other flashbacks because they were made before he came to TGS, but this flashback scene was recorded specially for this episode, where Danny is already in the cast. I can't be sure thought, I like to think it is like this because it makes the joke smarter 😛
    5 13 It's not Jenna who is talking, it is Jane. Take in mind that both of them were pregnant.
    22 52 Hank is played by Ken Howard who is the president of the Screen Actors Guild. Ironically he is mocking the SAG.
    26:21-I'm pretty sure it is not the first mention of OJ, I think they mention something of him and Jenna back in season 1, I don't remember the episode thought.
    40:26-Tom Hanks is singing "My Life" by Billy Joel which is the theme song of the sitcom Bosom Buddies starring Tom.

    • Blake says:

      301 – Do-Over "Well I first met Liz in 1993, she was fresh out of college and I had just broken up with OJ Simpsons and can I just say something? Total gentleman"

      • Cam says:

        Awesome! Thanks for all the info. You're in a race with Blake for "reader with the most crazy awesome obscure memory for weird shit";) Trivia updated!

  8. The Michael McDonald reference alludes to the singer for the Doobie Brothers (they had a 1976 album called "Takin' it to the Streets", which was the first to feature McDonald with the band).

  9. Jair says:

    I think the "Mystery novels written by janitors?" is not an outside reference. Maybe Tom, the janitor, wrote a mystery novel that he advertises to Jack.

    The Leno reference…i think it is because it sounds very close to Lemon. She knows that Jack means her and she just switches her name with a similar one.

    Also there is probably more in the Polanski reference. He is still sued for child rape/molesting, but I don't remember the entire story.

    Overall, you did excellent job as per usual 🙂

  10. J Colman says:

    RE: Playing with face. The first time I saw this sort of face-play was in the movie "Weird Science".
    Better off Ted was awesome, cancelling it was a big mistake.

    • Cam says:

      It was SUPER awesome;) Weird Science? Really? I love that movie. I just watched it a couple of months ago. Where's the face fingers bit?

  11. J Colman says:

    17:10 – Leno. Don't you remember the whole Leno/Conan debacle?

  12. Barry says:

    When Tom Hanks sings Billy Joel's "My Life" to himself, it's a reference to his own TV career. That song was the theme to his sitcom "Bosom Buddies."

    • Cam says:

      Och! I can't believe I totally forgot to add that in. Updated, thanks!

    • Willian says:

      It’s truly amazing how much one year can cgnhae your life! You learned so much about yourself from something negative, and met the man of your dreams all in one year. So glad Allen came into your life. That is the same year a lot of things cgnhaed for me, as well. We have a lot in common!!

  13. LizLemonLive says:

    Just found this — awesome! Like cliffsnotes for tv nerds 🙂 There should be a site that does this for all shows with the ability to wiki edit the info. It'd be like a cross reference of all media info…(eyes widen…)

    • Chiyto says:

      It wouldn't work, not all shows are as smart as 30Rock 😛

    • Cam says:

      Well thanks;) I'm actually going to try making it a little more wiki-like. I have a ton of fantastic readers that don't need me getting in the way of sharing stuff!

      Chiyto's right.. there AREN'T that many shows as clever as 30 Rock! A few, though. I may open it up to other shows if I have time.

  14. CBH says:

    Scene w/ writers throwing things at Liz was in S01E02 "The Aftermath". Had a hunch, went on netflix and confirmed. One of the recurring hobos is "Moonvest", he had a line in S01E11 "The Head and the Hair". A doctor "Steven Poop" actually appeared in an SNL sketch once, but in no way was he a "Homemaker and a Centaur".

  15. Cam says:

    Thanks Blake! As usual, you rock. I don't know how you remember/find some of this stuff. Trivia updated!

  16. Gary says:

    God, I wish I'd found this site before I started watching 30 Rock rather than when I was most of the way through S05E21

    29:53 – I presume Dr.Spaceman has a fairly undeveloped sense of humour, in which case penises would indeed be hysterical(ly funny).

    36:05 – If you frame advance through the pan down, you can see they cut to a body double who has shorter, straight hair.

    Who's the guy Tracy saves from drowning?

  17. WahKao says:

    Hi "CAM" – WK from Singapore here again.

    {29:53 : Dr. Spaceman : Well that’s redundant. All pregnancies are hysterical. They’re started by penises. [chuckles] }

    The first part is a play on the Greek word " hystera " = womb.
    The 2nd part is not far off from reality.

    {30:27 : Josh showing his bellybutton: No idea;) }

    From the episode where TGS held an audition for a new cast member.

  18. WahKao says:

    It's in S04E04 – "Audition Day"

  19. Spritle says:

    The role of the Strip Club Manager is played actress Nancy Eng – not Rachel Dratch,

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  25. Mike says:

    “Mystery novels written by janitors… I actually have no idea what he’s talking about. There’s probably some very famous current author out there writing mystery novels who used to be a janitor and I have no idea. Or it’s just a weird joke. Anyone?”

    IN This joke Keaton was referring to the fact that his character was a janitor so I’m sure he was saying his character had written a mystery novel that he was trying to promote to the othe characters.

  26. Megan says:

    One of the recurring hobos is Hannibal Buress who was a writer on the show. He made regular background appearances on the show. Can’t recall if he’d been a hobo more than once though. But technically a Hannibal appearance is “recurring”

  27. Andre says:

    Jenna slapping Liz that's from the TGS Hates Women episode where Jenna sees Abby and slapped Liz and asked her "Who is that?!'

    and the janitor writing mystery novel thing, I'm not sure but maybe it's a reference to the Rural Juror, written by Kevin Grisham (John Grisham's brother) who worked as (I forgot what it was) before he became a novelist.

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